One year in site (March)

I am now a year older and a year wiser as a Peace Corps Volunteer.  When I first arrived in my community a year ago, everything was new, interesting and worth sharing, regardless of how much anyone wanted to hear about it.  I wanted my friends and family in the States to understand what Panama really means to me, what it means to itself.  I wanted to share the abundance of fruit, the different ways corns is prepared and eaten, the generosity of my community, the relief of the first rain after the desiccating winds of the dry season with those who had not experienced Panama for themselves.  At that time it was easier because to me these were all new, wondrous things.  Now, a year later, I take many of these things for granted, and so it is no surprise that I have slacked in my blog entries.

I have now been in my community for more than a year, meaning several things.  First of all, I have now come full circle, so for the first time I actually have an idea of what to expect from the annual community events and weather changes. I can now say, from experience, “how weird it is that it’s so breezy this time of year!” or speak intelligibly about what kinds of mangoes to expect in the next few months.  I can also recognize everyone’s face at the various Stations of the Cross that I have attended in anticipation of Holy Week, and I know who exactly will be hosting the annual fiesta in April.  It’s a comforting feeling of belonging, especially when my community members tell surprised visitors that “oooh!  She knows everyone!  You should see how much she walks!  Everyone loves her.”  This year has also given me the confidence to speak to people I didn’t have the nerve to last March (ahem, intimidating soccer guys for one).  And when I realize that I should probably be wearing nicer clothes than I am for an event, I say “oops, try better next time,” whereas last year I would have fretted for half an hour about how much people might be judging me.

Being here a year also means that I have less than a year left, making me second guess how I have been using my time the past twelve months and wonder how I will spend the next set.  Put on paper, my activities seem at once more impressive than they seem to me and less time-consuming than they have been in reality.  I work in the school three days a week, teaching English, helping with the school garden, and planning environmental activities for special days.  I support an environmental volunteer group that was started many years before I arrived and a bakery group that began while I was here (I am proud to say they have done an AMAZING job organizing themselves and are now selling bread twice a week!).  With the help of several dedicated community members, we have made bricks for ten different ecological stoves that will use less firewood, create less smoke, and protect the cook from the heat (now we are just waiting to put them together).  Finally, my pet project (that I have unfortunately had to put on hold for the past two months) is an environmental youth group that has a large amount of support despite its slow start.  And of course, I have helped with training for the new Peace Corps Trainees and assisted other Volunteers with their own projects.  Like I said, impressive on paper, but when I live it day to day I can’t help but wonder if I could have done more. 

One year really doesn’t seem like long enough, what with all I want to accomplish and how much I love this community.  I have thought more than once about extending my service and staying long.  Of course, I have been told by people who have gone home to visit that while they feel that way while in site, they do not once they have returned.  Who knows?  I wouldn’t be the first to stay longer than expected, but I also wouldn’t be the first to change my mind last minute and go home.  I do still have a year to think about it.